• just a servant...

2020 up ahead....

I remember the idea of 2000 being a major milestone. Those twenty years passed quickly. I don't remember where I was New Year's Eve 2000, but I remember it being a big deal. This New Year, I believe, is going to trump (no pun intended) 2000 by a long shot. I was nineteen when 1999 ended. I am almost 40 now. I have learned a lot. I wish I knew then what I know now. Due to my memory I can't recall much about the nineties, except the music. No major news stories just stick out. I believe I would have been partying that night with a lot of people that I would have thought would still be around today. Oh, the innocence of youth. I know I was very immature for a 19 year old. I definitely did not have my mind focused on my future. I also hadn't had my first seizure yet. So I was living life like a common rebellious teenager. This New Year's Eve will be spent alone. I'll be sober. Heck, I'll probably be in bed by midnight. This is a blessing though. The wrong crowd can lead a person to make bad decisions. As I've aged, my social circle has shrunk significantly. I'm not married with kids, so I don't fit in with that clique. I'm not happily employed close to retirement. I have epilepsy and there will be lots of strobe lights at New Year's celebrations. So, I'm going to do what I believe I did last year and just ring in the New Year with a good night's sleep. I'll go ahead and get ready for what is the last year of the decade. I know, it always feels like the first, but it's the last. I'm not going to set any resolutions because I always tend to fail at them. This coming year I have some things I want to do and some things i don't want to do. I think that's one way you know you're getting old, when even New Year's Eve is just another night. Or maybe I just live an extremely boring lifestyle. Heck, who knows. So far I've had my last seizure for 2019 so that's a plus. Maybe I won't have any next year, every epileptic's wish. The strange thing is, I don't want to party anymore. Even simple socializing is becoming more and more uncomfortable as time passes. Maybe that's just part of getting older too. I don't think it is. Not every older person I've ever known are "grumpy old men", yet that's what I feel I'm turning into. Don't get me wrong, I love people, I'm just starting to get uncomfortable in crowds. That's one reason I know I won't be missing anything in the big celebrations. I just don't think I could handle Times Square.

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