• just a servant...

Just a post...

Would you believe that I tried college three times. THREE times. Yes, I have to be honest and say that I did just quit due to marijuana and laziness at eighteen. The other two times I tried after my diagnosis. Those were days when I was really determined and wanted a degree. I wanted to pursue something in social work, some avenue where I could feel I was helping people. Remember this was after my diagnosis and after being born-again. I wanted to help people. This world is in need of servants and I have a servants heart. There is a lot of room for servants in today's society. The world just seems so self-centered. You can't be a servant if you are focused on yourself, and sadly that is just the majority of the population. I remember when allowing elders and mothers to cut in lines was just normal behavior. Today we have scenes like black Friday where people are LITERALLY fighting to get to the head of the line. I know its not like that everywhere all the time but everyone is in their own little sphere of self-consciousness that they seem to be afraid to lose that one extra minute. That moment could be used to hold a door or allow someone with less groceries to cut in line. It will shock some people when you allow them to cut in front of you. Do you really want to shock someone? Pay a stranger's bill. That one is definitely dying in today's society. Yes there are some people doing it on camera and trying to go viral, but to do it out of Christian love will just shock some people. We live in the Bible belt, so here you mainly get an honest thank-you. But I bet to go up north and do it without a camera the reactions would be indescribable. That kind of honest generosity is just hard to accept for some people. I can't even seem to accept it. Being earnestly generous is something I enjoy doing for those who aren't taking advantage of it, using me. It seems as though the ones I'm the most generous with are the ones using me the most. I just don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to say no. It is something I need to learn how to do but I'm afraid it's never going to happen. That's o.k. Everything I give, I give with the heart of a servant, knowing that one day it will come back to me. There's also something satisfying about being able to help someone else. It, when done in true generosity, can fill a lot of voids. So I say, help someone. No matter how small it may seem from the giving side, you never know, you could be changing someone's day, month, or even their life. That is the beauty of sharing the Gospel. You never know who may actually hear it. I was invited to church one day out of the blue and my life was changed forever. You never know who will be the one. That's why I try to be generous in the name of Christianity. Maybe someday "someone" will ask me "Why do you so much for me yet ask for nothing in return?" Then I can tell them about Jesus' love, how he loved me first, before I ever did anything for Him. Epilepsy has been a big part of my life. If I had never had my first seizure, I don't think that today I would have the heart of a servant. Maybe college just wasn't where I was supposed to be then. I would love to try again, but I know another seizure is on the way. I can serve my Lord without a college degree. The little things. Just helping someone with their laundry, done without any hard feelings in Christian service just might change someone else's life. Just remember, Jesus washed his disciple's feet. I don't mind doing a little laundry.

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