• just a servant...

The pains of disability...

One of the things that sucks the most about my disability is not being able to drive. I had an opportunity today to pay my rent yet I had to depend on someone else for the ride. When the time came for me to go pay my rent there was no one around to take me. Aaargh. I just wish I could drive. I wish I had a car. I wish I didn't have seizures. I just live with it most days , but it seems like its the little things that really grind my gears and get me focused again on my disability. There are so many different things I could be doing other than typing this blog if I didn't have seizures. I could have a job. I could be going to school, heck I probably would have finished school by now. I would have a career, responsibilities, a life, maybe even married. Who knows? It just wasn't in the books for me. All I can do is continue to go to church, pray for my friends and the lost, pray for my church. If I do nothing but pray I'm accomplishing something in God's eyes. No use to worry about how my fellow man may look at me. The chances of "being somebody" are long gone. i just need to stay focused on taking my meds and paying my bills and keeping my, darn, hair, cut. All I want is a hair cut. I just hate the idea of paying 35 dollars for it. I'll end up paying for the gas or a pack of cigarettes and the cost of the haircut. Just asking for the ride is what keeps me from going to get it done. I don't mind paying for a ride. That's the hand I was dealt. I could walk if I wanted it bad enough but I don't think I want it that bad...yet. I'll end up asking for that ride. Paying for the gas. Then getting an expensive haircut that just won't last a month. Again, I don't mind paying my own way, I just hate asking someone to take me. Yes I have the number for the ride service, I haven't lost it, its in my phone. I just never get around to calling them. It's not that I'm lazy, that whole day before thing really throws me off. ...No it doesn't. I just have to take a moment to be honest with myself. It's just new. I don't like doing new things. It takes a lot for me to introduce new practices into my schedule. Heck, I think I had this podcast setup for a month before I even recorded the first thing. It was just something new. It was something I wanted to do though not something I needed to do. I don't know I guess I'll wait until Andy gets home and get him to take me to the mall. It's just routine. Routine for me is just that much easier. Man I wish I could drive. If I could drive though I probably wouldn't be blogging or podcasting. Who knows what types of troubles I may have gotten into over the years. Maybe it's a blessing.

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