• just a servant...

To post or not to post....

I started this blog as a way to keep up with my (at the time) bad roommates, my seizures, and basically my memory loss. I've found over the course of keeping this my roommates have gotten better, my seizures are getting worse, and my memory loss is basically just really bad. I can go back and read these posts and they are like new to me. This whole process has really helped me learn a lot about myself and mature in places I needed to mature in. I was rather child-like in a way. I allowed my roommates to take advantage of my generosity and after stopping that I learned that my roommate is a generous person also. He (they) were the main subject of this blog when it started. After I started posting I got more and more into myself as things around here got better. As of this moment I'm in a rather depressed state. (It's all bi-polar) I will find a way out of it. I have more than I need yet I'm still depressed. Lack of wife, kids, family,...heck I don't know. I can barely take care of myself. The idea of being the main support in a family is just laughable. I wouldn't mind a girlfriend though. the idea of finding one nowadays seems just impossible. It would take an angel to put up with me and my disability and those are hard to come by. That's why I'm single. The idea of being loved is something I need to work on. I don't feel worthy of it, yet it's all I want to give to the world. Why? Because deep down it's what I want the most and maybe, just maybe by being nice to everyone someone will receive some love they desire or deserve.

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